My Journey Through Homosexuality and Back to God

For most of my life, I’ve been in pursuit of one thing: truth. Not the kind shaped by culture or comfort, but the kind that pierces through confusion and brings clarity to the soul. My journey has been anything but linear. It’s been marked by questions, tears, podcasts, sermons, and long nights with my Bible open, searching for answers that didn’t come easily.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” — Jeremiah 29:13

I didn’t grow up with a shallow understanding of faith. I was taught to seek, to question, and to study. So when I began to wrestle with my sexuality, I didn’t run from God, I ran toward Him. I dove into the Word, listened to countless sermons, and absorbed podcasts from pastors and theologians who spoke with conviction. I wasn’t looking for affirmation. I was looking for truth.

And truth, as I’ve learned, doesn’t always feel good at first. It confronts. It convicts. It calls us higher.

“Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.” — John 17:17

I loved God. I still do. But I also felt deeply tied to my identity as a homosexual woman. It wasn’t just about attraction, it was about belonging, about feeling seen. And yet, every time I tried to reconcile that identity with my faith, something felt off. Not because of shame or fear, but because of spiritual dissonance. My prayers felt distant. My worship felt muted. My intimacy with God felt interrupted.

“For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him… They exchanged the truth about God for a lie.” — Romans 1:21, 25

I didn’t understand why. I thought maybe I was just being too hard on myself. Maybe the church was wrong. Maybe the Bible had been misinterpreted. So I kept searching.

It wasn’t until a quiet drive from Utah to Nevada that everything shifted. I wasn’t listening to a sermon. I wasn’t reading scripture. I was just driving, alone with my thoughts and with God. And in that stillness, I felt a revelation settle in my spirit:

Homosexuality isn’t sinful because God wants to withhold love from us. It’s sinful because it distorts the design He created for intimacy, identity, and spiritual alignment.

In that moment, I saw how my pursuit of romantic love had unintentionally pulled me away from the deeper love I was created for the love of the Father. I saw how my identity had become more rooted in my sexuality than in my Savior. And I saw how sin, even when it feels affirming, can quietly erode the foundation of our relationship with God.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2

This revelation didn’t come with condemnation. It came with clarity. It wasn’t about rejecting people, it was about realigning my heart. I began to understand that God’s boundaries aren’t barriers – they’re bridges. They lead us back to Him. They protect intimacy. They preserve truth.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” — Matthew 5:8
“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” — Matthew 16:24

I’m not here to argue theology. I’m here to share my story. And my story is one of redemption, of wrestling, and of returning. I’ve learned that truth isn’t just something we study—it’s something we surrender to. And when we do, we find a love that’s deeper than desire, stronger than identity, and more eternal than any earthly relationship.

---